More Words for the 90's

Alpha Geek: - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.

Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

Dancing Baloney - Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."

Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."

GOOD Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

Nyetscape - Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, dumps over everything and then leaves.

Square-headed Girlfriend - Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."

Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is uh..Dale, y...um...friend..."

Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." [See also Decruitment.]

Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."